WHAT IF?: A TALE OF FIVE STOCKINGS.

Wherever you are, whatever it is you’re facing, I hope that this part of our story may bring a bit of hope to your “what if?” tonight.❤️

Around this time last year, after months of being unsure if we wanted to try for #3 again (after back-to-back early losses in the summer), I remembered why I bought FIVE stockings the year of B’s first Christmas.

I’m super aware that we’re not in total control of if / when / how our families grow.

Over the years I’d wondered if we’d use all the stockings for members of our family unit, or if we’d dedicate one or two to a pet or a friend or visitor who may come stay for Christmas one day.

Last year, the fifth stocking felt like a nudge and encouragement from 2011 me.

What if….?

Our house was unusually chill on Christmas Eve day.

All four of us were enjoying some individual “me time” before heading over to our big extended family celebration, and I specifically remember thinking… it’s awfully quiet around here.

We’ve got our rhythms down. A neat and tidy four-pack. Symmetrical. 1:1 ratio. Man-to-man defense. A kid per parent capita and set to evergreen — everybody’s potty trained! I’m genuinely grateful for how things are, and yet…

What if we gave her a bit more time to join us and mix things up a bit?

Almost exactly 40 weeks later, she made it to our arms.

Why name a September baby Noelle?

It’s been a top contender for years because I’m a word nerd and it met my starts-with B-D-J-N-or-E-and isn’t-in-the-current-top-1000-names criteria. I loved writing my names in cursive (all the Es and Ls!) and think she will too.

But also because it was this week last year — Christmas 2019 — that our do-we-or-don’t-we fog lifted and I felt a clear YES. If you don’t try again, you’ll always wonder.

Surrender the outcome and trust the process.

If she joins you in the physical world, perfect.

If she stays in spirit, perfect.

Your family is whole either way, in either form.

Noelle apparently links back to the latin word “natalis,” meaning “of or relating to birth.”

In a year that’s presented so many unusual challenges, her presence has been our greatest gift.

In other words: I’m not taking this scene for granted. ❤️🎄