I HAVE SOMETHING VERY EXCITING TO TELL YOU.

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I’m just wrapping up trimester one, which means this lil Brownie (that’s what I have called our kiddos since they were twinkles) is due Christmas week. YAY :)

Big bro was 2.5 weeks early, sooooo who knows. I’m just happy this due date gives me a legit excuse to indulge in my annual Christmas creep. (I love you, Thanksgiving, but your decorations just aren’t nearly as fun.)

Baby rocked the stage with me at Off the Charts Live in Dallas (when I was about eight weeks along), but I couldn’t make it public yet becaaaaause I hadn’t been able to tell my husband yet. YES, that’s right. It’s a weird life we lead over here.

It’s too soon to know if this little one is a baby bro or baby sis. Even though I’ve always felt like “a boy mom,” my first VERY strong hunch was girl. (My fave girl name for years happens to be perfect for December. I’ll fill you in on that one if she is, indeed, a she ;)).

Bryson’s first vote was sister too. We were pretty confident til we tried the ol’ ring-on-a-string test, and that seemed to suggest BOY.

Once we introduced some doubt, B began to suggest that there’s a baby brother named Leonardo (#ofcourse) growing in my belly.

Have no fear – I will totally find out because 1) I’m just not that patient, and 2) if I need to buy girl clothes, I want advance notice.

Either way we are THRILLED (genuinely), and you can bet your booty I’ve already searched for tiny tacky Christmas sweater onesies. They’re out there.

Once I was finally able to tell Jeremy and yet STILL felt resistance to sharing with you, I knew there was something else going on.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized I felt that by sharing this happy news, I’d somehow close the window of opportunity to share about my losses last year.

In short: I had a chemical pregnancy in May, then a miscarriage at 7.5 weeks in October due to a very rare, non-hereditary chromosomal abnormality called triploidy. It happens in 1-2% of all conceptions, and it’s always lethal. The test results didn’t take away the pain of the loss, BUT it was a huge blessing to at least have an answer and some hope that it wouldn’t happen again. So thankful for that.

After experiencing that second heartache in October, I unfollowed a lot of friends who were getting pregnant and having healthy (second and third) babies without even flinching.

I didn’t even like reading stories from people who had healthy babies AFTER loss because I thought, “YES, but it’s easy for you to say – you know how the story ends.”

I felt like a grinch (which didn’t help matters at all), but I just had to guard my heart.

And I didn’t want to stir that up for people when I shared my news. I needed more time to think.

I’m just so much more aware of the layers of emotion that bubble up with announcements like these. And Mother’s Day. And Father’s Day. And commercials. And questions from well-meaning strangers. (There’s DEFINITELY a blog post brewing on that one. Whoa baby.)

I hesitated to share the news because I wanted to be thoughtful and leave room and space for ALLLL of that.

Mostly I want to acknowledge that if pregnancy + baby stuff is a trigger for you right now, I totally understand if you want to turn down my volume a bit. I will be here whenever you’re ready to connect again.

I’ll share more detail about my stories when the time is right – possibly this October, which is pregnancy and infant loss awareness month – because I did find comfort in knowing I wasn’t alone.

I DID find hope knowing that women were able to move on while still honoring the little spirits they carried, even for just a little while.

(And if you’re one of so many who reached out after I shared in December, thank you. Meant so much to me that you trusted me with your story.)

Truth is, even while the miscarriage was happening, I knew that God could transform it into a beautiful silver lining by using my voice to offer honesty and hope to a subject that nobody wants to talk about. And so He will. Already has.

Bottom line(s): I’m more aware than ever that life is precious, and at every age and every stage – it deserves to be celebrated. There’s balance in all things, and staying quiet about the happy things doesn’t take away the sting of the sad things. It just keeps us from fully enjoying the happy things. And what’s the point in that?

Now that I’m finally ready to fully enjoy this happy thing (the peach-sized miracle currently taking place in my womb), I couldn’t be more thankful for the opportunity to share the journey with YOU.

We’re in for a very interesting year :)

I’ll definitely share more about the pregnancy as we go, but reeeeeally the biggest shift is that I’m taking FULL ADVANTAGE of the second trimester energy + focus (that I just knowww is coming ;)).

I’m inspired to add more value to you than ever before.

I’m taking the next 90 days head-on (even hired my first biz coach, Todd Herman, to hold me to it!).

Time to hire an assistant.

Time to hire a video editor.

Time to document exactly what we need to do to keep this ship sailing. (Slash get the ship sailing again because it’s been anchored for a lil while.)

Captain Obvious Confession: When it comes to creating fresh weekly content, Inconsistency has been my middle name. For most of my two plus years in business.

While that used to be freeing (i.e. I’m “honoring my creative flow” which often meant “just being lazy”), for the past several months it’s been disheartening. I just didn’t have the energy + motivation to change it til now. (Thanks, Brownie!)

This upcoming game-changer has inspired a serious craving to create *several* months of helpful content to make sure you’re taken care of, even when I’m in and out of consciousness caring for our new roomie. So that’s what I’m gonna do.

And THAT’s what (finally) leads me to….

In the comments below, tell me:

What Qs can I answer for you in future videos? What would you like to see MORE of from me moving forward?

Can’t wait to see how this “consistency” thing actually works!

ALSO: If you’ve had a newborn while running your biz and you’ve got any tips, leave those gems below. I’m all ears. Eyeballs. Whatev.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for the love, excitement, and prayers you’re sending our way. I can feel ’em already, and I’m soaking ’em all IN with Texas-sized gratitude.

This is a beautiful, crazy, special time, no doubt…and I can’t wait to see what (who!) comes from it all :)

To babies, balance, and batching,