10 THINGS YOU MAY NOT KNOW ABOUT ME

Back in my teaching days, one of the first things we talked about in the basic communication course was this concept of self-disclosure. And you can’t really talk about self-disclosure without giving a shout-out to The Johari Window. (Social Penetration or “The Onion” Theory is another goodie, but I’ll save that for another day.)

Named after its creators, Joseph Luft and Harrington Ingham in 1955, The Johari window is divided into four quadrants:

Open: What you know about yourself and others know about you.
Blind: What others know about you that you don’t.
Hidden: What you know about yourself that others don’t.
Unknown: What nobody knows about you, including you!

The idea of effective self-disclosure is to increase your OPEN quadrant by sharing and learning about yourself with others. That’s EXACTLY what trends like this do by making the traditionally “hidden” information public.

Likewise, when someone asks “What’s one word you’d use to describe me?” they’re shrinking the “blind” and to expand the “open” quadrant.

Get it?

The best stuff gets shared in the open. THAT’S how we get to know each other. We share information. We reduce uncertainty. I tell you my stuff, you tell me yours.

When we know each other, we can understand each other. We can work together more effectively and enjoy more meaningful relationships.

Came up with this notion while working with my dream clients this year. We spent a lot of time chatting about what to include (and what not to include) on their “about” pages.

While you know I’m ALL about showing up in an authentic way, sometimes self-disclosure can come across as selfish. (We’ve all had – and BEEN – that Chatty Cathy who shows up to dominate the conversation and talk about herself the whole time. It’s not attractive.)

When I come to your about page after reading a super-helpful blog post I found through Facebook, I’m looking to find out more about how you can help me. I don’t care about your favorite color or biggest fear….yet.

So I recommend what I call “strategic self-disclosure.” For most entrepreneurs, it’s better to share the personal stuff AFTER you’ve established credibility and expertise.

When (and where) you’re comfortable, reveal things that you think will round out your story. What you think folks will find interesting, funny, or even inspiring. Share things that they may not expect (we like to be surprised!). As a general rule, the about page is NOT a good place for deep, dark confessions. Also a good topic for another day.

As I always like to say, “You don’t have to tell them EVERYTHING; you just have to tell them ENOUGH.” (Tweet that!)

So, while I was WILDLY tempted to be too cool for this “game,” I’m totally not.

Today I’m happy to (strategically) share with you:

(Complete with the not-so-subliminal messages I’m trying to send you in parentheses.)

1. In third grade, I was so intensely afraid of public speaking that I intentionally threw the school spelling bee and got 2nd runner up. I couldn’t BEAR the thought of advancing to the next level and having to spell in front of an audience even bigger than the one in my elementary school cafeteria.

(I’ve come a long way, baby.)